Two weeks ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower from a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She had recently moved back to the area and explained in a group chat that the celebration would be small and put together quickly because she had only discovered she was pregnant at 35 weeks. With her induction already scheduled for week 37, everyone volunteered to help make the event special. I offered to cook Filipino food and contribute money toward the decorations.

After sending my share for the décor, I asked how many guests were expected. She estimated around fifteen people besides the ten friends in our group, so I planned for roughly fifty servings just to be safe. I spent days shopping, preparing ingredients, and coordinating with the friend in charge of decorations. Together, we mapped out the food setup and grazing table, and the mom-to-be approved everything.

The day before the shower, I took time off work and spent hours cooking. Since I would be busy handling the food, I arranged for my mother-in-law to watch my baby so I could focus entirely on the event. Everything seemed ready until I received an unexpected message that evening. The mom-to-be said she had made some difficult decisions and would need to uninvite me—but still hoped I would bring the food I had prepared.

I told her I respected her decision but would not be delivering the food. Driving seventy-five minutes to provide catering for an event I was no longer welcome to attend didn’t make sense to me. She became upset and asked how she was supposed to replace the food on such short notice, accusing me of being spiteful for backing out. While a few friends agreed with her, most felt my response was reasonable. Now I’m left wondering whether refusing to provide food for a party I was excluded from really makes me the bad person