I was on a seven-hour flight when the child behind me started kicking my seat. I waited for an hour before politely turning around and asking his mother if she could stop him. Without looking up from her phone, she replied, “Kids kick. It’s a flight, not a library.” The kicking continued, and when I asked again, she snapped, “Do you have children?” When I said no, she told me I couldn’t understand.

After the kicking continued for another long stretch, I finally called a flight attendant. The mother immediately became tense, and I could feel her frustration toward me for the next two hours. I was convinced she was simply being inconsiderate and rude, while she seemed convinced that I was judging her without understanding what she was dealing with.

When we finally landed, everyone stood up and began gathering their belongings. I expected the woman to say something angry, but instead she touched my shoulder. When I turned around, she looked completely exhausted. Her expression was nothing like the irritated mother I had imagined. She quietly told me, “His dad passed three weeks ago. He doesn’t sleep anymore. I haven’t either.”

Suddenly, I saw the situation differently. She hadn’t been trying to be rude; she had been running on exhaustion and grief while trying to care for a child who was struggling too. I still don’t know what the perfect response would have been—I was entitled to a peaceful flight, after all. But I’ve thought about that encounter for a long time, and it taught me one thing: sometimes we judge people by their behavior without knowing the pain they are carrying.