After my divorce, my ex-husband received primary custody of our children because he had a steady job and a home, while I was starting over financially after being a stay-at-home mother. I was granted visitation two weekends a month, but the children lived with him. After he remarried, his new wife began pushing me out of their lives and even changed the children’s last names without my permission. I hired a lawyer, but the legal process has been slow.

The hardest part has been watching the children feel guilty for loving me. During one of our visits, my daughter finally broke down and later called me in panic after her stepmother told her she shouldn’t talk about me anymore. I stayed calm and reassured her that missing her mother was completely okay and that she had done nothing wrong. She sounded confused rather than angry, as though she no longer knew what feelings were acceptable.

Since then, I have tried to remain patient and consistent. I show up for every visit, stay kind, avoid criticizing her father or stepmother, and give my children a safe place to talk. Still, I feel as though I am slowly being erased from their lives during the many hours I am not there. I worry that remaining quiet might make my children believe that love can simply be replaced.

I don’t want revenge or another custody battle filled with anger. I simply want my children to feel secure and know that they are allowed to love both parents without guilt or pressure. While my lawyer handles the legal issues, my biggest challenge is finding a way to stay emotionally present, protect my relationship with my children, and avoid making them feel caught in the middle.